J3ffrey'S MeMoir.....

Let it snow...let it snow....

2009-02-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

We had the worst winter showers in 18 years. I m so happy to see Shazmeen and Nora enjoying the snow. I was getting ready to go to work on....
Monday morning when I look outside the window, it was snowing heavily....Everything was white. Woke up Shazmeen and Nora at 7 am and they are so excited to see the heavy snow shower. They put their cloth on and winter jacket and went outside to play with the snow. It was fun.
I left for work that morning only to be told when I got there to go home and no plant or site is open. So, we had a day off...and being paid for it.
Tuesday the snow was on the ground and it's cold. Went to work as usual only to be told after 10 mins at the office to go home...AGAIN! I m getting used to this now.....
Today....again I was told to go home but since I have work to do and reports to finish, I decided to stay on. The day was sunny but rather chilly....
Tomorrow...well the Met Office web site indicate that it will be snowing again. Well....let it snow...let it snow....let it snow.....

Finally..........I'm back....

2009-01-29T03:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I had the chance to write on my own blog but I guess I must have writer's block.....It's almost a month into the new year...How fast the time flies....
It's been quite worrying looking at the economy in the UK now as too many companies are closing down. We had to take a pay cut of 15% from this month and heard it from the grapevine there is another 10% paycut in February. Job prospect in not good and my best options is to hang on to what I have.
I m so looking forward to come back to Malaysia but if it is worst there I m in a dilemma! I need to come home because of my parents and I sincerely hope with the grace of Allah, we are home soon..........

Life, its all about touching-
Bringing sunshine to others
Who dwell in gloom,
Giving a word of encouragement
To the faint hearted.
Gentle squeezes of a hug
To lift the spirit,
Wiping tears
From those that are crushed.
A kind word to an elder
To show they are loved,
Blessing the birth
Of a newborn child.
Holding of the hands
Sharing the warmth,
Giving our hearts
To commitments in life.
Sharing that special love
With someone so close,
It only takes a second
To touch a longing heart
Only to make a difference

Happy New Year 2009

2009-01-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

Today begins another year of challenges and hopefully a better year for all of us. I am so looking forward to go back to Malaysia this year with the family........

Tears of Happiness........

2008-12-06T00:44:00.000-08:00

Tears does not belong to our despair only,
even happiness can sometimes make you cry.
Desolation does not always mean being lonely,
it can also deliver you a feeling of sympathy.

Tears are not always at the prey of only fate,
they flow not only at the depart of a soulmate.
Even their reunion can make their eyes go wet,
impression of past can then only make them upset.

They're there beside, even when you achieve a goal,
they accompany you when you try lean on sand's poll.
They will roll down when your happiness is at it's peak,
they will make you strong, and can even make you weak.

They show the feelings resting deep inside our heart,
though we hide them within, and don't let them part.
They flow as they're tired of being,for so long,inside us,
we store them because they might just create some fuss.

They are the essence of someone's sweet innocence,
they are sometimes the proof of someone's presence.
Tears, for sure, does not envelope our despair always,
they allow the unspoken emotions to flow in a simple way.

The fear i have......

2008-12-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

The fears I have is a fear unheard and yet indescribable
For the fears that I fear hurts me deeper than being lied to
You see the fears I have is in categories of three
You have hurt, death, and then there's reality

For the fear of hurt has been on my back for many years
The pain that I sometimes feel doesn't exactly overcome my fears
I've been hurt basically my whole life
But just being me it caused terrible sacrifice

And the fear of death
Oh! How greatly I fear that
Not being able to figure out how people are going to remember you
Are they going to remember you as that man who was sad and blue

For the fears that I fear will not quickly go away
Unless I continued to ignore them overcome them day by day
But the utmost fear that I have is life itself
Dealing with the lost of other's and standing alone by yourself

For that fear is reality:
You see little kids getting shot
And yet you ask yourself God why doesn't it all just stop
If only you had the upper strength and authority
To change everything including the hell of reality

Memories.......

2008-11-22T02:55:00.000-08:00

I called Rahman today and had a long chat with him. Been catching up what I have missed. Sad to learn that another good friend of ours screw him up in a car dealing. Talking to him bring back good memories. I knew him when his daughter is only 3 years old and now she is married. How fast time flies....

TGIF.....

2008-11-21T06:18:00.001-08:00

Well, another week have gone by and the end of the year is getting closer. I have a very good friend back in Malaysia- Rahman Sulaiman. I called him Cik Man and we have been friends for the last 20 years. When I left Malaysia, I never thought I will here this long. Never say goodbye to him before I left but we do keep in touch either by email or telephone. Anyway, every end of the year, I always called him to wish him Happy New Year and we always say 'Hoping the coming year will be a better year!'
As for me, the last 2 years have been good and have been blessed by Allah. I have a good permanent job, a good house that we lived in though financially we are still struggling. Since 2005, we have been struggling very hard. We have gone through some tough time. We have been thrown out from the house we lived in as I cannot afford to pay the rent for 5 months. Shazmeen was only 11 months then. We had to move out immediately as the landlord cannot give us anymore time. He came one evening and throw us out of the house. We manage to take only a bag each of our cloth. He kept all our belongings till now until I have the money to pay him. I m paying him slowly whenever I can.
Since we don't have any money and any place to go, I had to leave Nora and Shazmeen at a friend's room for 2 night. I was very sad and devastated to put them in that situation but I had no choice! I slept in the car for 2 nights. I had a crappy job which pays only £180 a week. From there, we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights until eventually we managed to get a studio flat for £150 a week. We have only £30 to live on. We stayed there for about 3 months until July 2007. I was offered to work with PC Harrington Ltd. I m looking forward to that. I was to report duty on 30/07/2008.
As we have given noticed to move from where we lived, we had to move out without having another placed to go. With all our bags in the car, we drove to Hayes to look for a room to live. With only £100 in the pocket, our futures look bleak. I felt so sorry for Nora and Shazmeen.......
But as always, ever since we are here, Allah always protect us and always show us a way and a solution out of our predicament. We found a room just before Maghrib and the landlord agrees to take a deposit of only £50 till my next payday. The room was not brilliant-on top of his shop. But at least we have a room for the night and weeks coming............
I started my new job with PC Harrington the following Monday. My new boss-Trevor Healy was brilliant. I get along fine with everybody. The wages was ok and I know from then onwards we will be ok....

Christmas.....

2008-11-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

Today will be exactly a month before we break for Christmas. Time passes by so fast. I still remember early this year when I feel another long year to go and now it's almost the end of it. Our company Annual Christmas Dinner is on the 29th December 2008. Everybody is looking forward to it....
We had a guest last night from Malaysia. She's flying back to Malaysia tomorrow. She came for a 2 weeks visit to London, Paris and Amsterdam. and spent her last night at our house. Listening to what she says about home makes me want s to take the next flight back to Malaysia immediately. I know Nora misses home and family and so do I. Very much.

I've learned....

2008-11-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Finally.....

2008-11-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

This morning I read my sister's blog and was surprised I got a mentioned in her blog........It made my day and I was smiling reading it.
I m feeling tired off late and really worried about the appointment with the Cardiologist next week. All my body is aching. I guess age is really catching up with me. I really wish I am back in Malaysia and if anything should happened to me, my wish is to see my mum and dad, I really misses them

People comes into your life for a REASON.............

2008-11-17T00:45:00.000-08:00

Received Batrisyia's text this morning! Finally she text me to wish me Happy Birthday. 2 days late but at least she remembers...I think.......

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

A quite Sunday..........

2008-11-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

Feeling better from yesterday. Woke up and check my text messages. Hoping to see if there is a message from Batrisyia...I was dissappointed as there was none.
Called mum. Spoke to her. How I misses her very much.
Called Boy. I think he was surprise to receive my telephone call. Advise him to study hard and to make sure he gets through his Bio-Med Studies. We never get along well but as mentioned earlier, when you are away this long, you realises how important families are. I was surprise to know he is already 21 years of age. Ask about Aziz, Boys's cousin. Last time I saw him he was about 10 and now he is in Form 6. How fast time flies..........
11.45am Received text message from Dad. He wishes me Happy Birthday and apologies for the belated wishes.
We didn't go out today as it was drizzling. So, I decided to cut the grass and clean the fish tank. Been avoiding to do it for the last few few months. Can't put it off anymore as the grass is getting longer and the fish tank is getting cloudy. FInishes about lunch time.
2.30pm My boss called from work. He is at the office. Wants me to come to work to help him out with his report.

9.15pm Just got home from work. Did alot of report for him. I was tired but hey.....I m being paid double on a Sunday. So, I guess it was ok.

My Birthday..............

2008-11-15T00:37:00.000-08:00

Today is Saturday, 15th November 2008. I have finally created my own blog after pondering on the idea for the last few years. I decided to create this blog after chatting with my dear sister, Darling when she told me that my baby sister sh33r@ have her own blog. Look and read her blog. She had it since 2005. I was sad to read it as no mention of me at all in her blog...I guess out of sight and out of mind!!!!
It's my birthday and I m 43 today. Darling wishes me yesterday, sh33r@ this morning, Nora and Shazmeen this morning and they bake a cake! Still no wishes from Dad, Adek, boy but what saddened me most, my own daughter- Batrisyia Ain didn't wish me. Being away for so long, makes me realise how important family values are. No one really knows and understand how I feel all these years. I m not good in expressing my feelings......sigh!
I have been away from Malaysia for the last 9 years 7 months and 5 days. The biggest ever mistakes I've make in my life......But no point of regretting.......Life is too short to regret...But hey........I 'm in London
I wished I could turn back the hand of time and didn't take the decision to come to London 9 years ago. Things might be different but that is what written for me in the book of Allah....I was meant to be here somehow. He knows better and the reason why I should be here.

1.30pm Got home from work. Not feeling too well. Shazmeen greets me at the door and excitedly shows me the birthday cake she bakes with her mum.

11:59pm Not feeling too well the whole day. It's almost midnight and still did not received any birthday wishes from my daughter Batrisyia Ain. Feel so sad. Took some medication and going to bed now......yawn!!!!